""Say their name "

Grief is a bitch.

I lost my son two and a half years ago, and I know I’ll never be the same. Grief changes you in ways you don’t expect and in ways you can’t always explain. I look in the mirror and sometimes I feel like I’ve aged so much… maybe I have, or maybe it’s just the weight I carry now that shows up differently.

Some days, it feels like I’m just going through the motions. Smiling when I’m supposed to, showing up because I have to—but inside, there’s a part of me that’s still stuck in that moment when everything changed.

And then there’s something else I’ve noticed… something that’s hard to put into words, but I know I’m not alone in feeling it.

The silence.

Heaven forbid you say your loved one’s name out loud. It’s like the room freezes. People look down, or away, or suddenly find something else to talk about. It becomes this unspoken thing—like if we don’t say their name, it somehow makes it easier.

But it doesn’t.

It makes it lonelier.

I know people don’t mean to do it. I think most of the time they’re just afraid—afraid of saying the wrong thing, afraid of making it worse, afraid of not knowing what to say at all. But the truth is, there is no perfect thing to say. There’s just being there.

And sometimes, the best thing you can do is not be afraid to say their name. To let them still exist in conversation. To remember them out loud.

Because yes, they are gone. We can’t change that. But they mattered. They still matter. And they deserve to be spoken about, remembered, and shared.

For me, talking about my son doesn’t make the pain worse—it keeps him close. It reminds me of who he was, of the love that’s still there, even if he isn’t physically here anymore.

We should never stop talking about the people we’ve lost. Not in whispers, not like it’s something fragile or forbidden—but openly, honestly, with love.

That’s how we keep their memory alive.

That’s how we keep them with us.

If you’ve experienced this kind of silence too, you’re not alone. And if you’re someone who isn’t sure what to say to someone who’s grieving, just know this—saying their loved one’s name, sharing a memory, or simply listening can mean more than you realize.

And if you feel comfortable, I’d love to hear about the people you carry with you. Say their names. Share their stories. Keep them alive in the way only we can.